Letters To The Doctor
by whovianabelle
Summary: After Doomsday, Rose writes letters to the Doctor knowing they will never reach him. Sequel to Letters To Rose.
1. Chapter 1

**And here we are, Letters To The Doctor! This is the sequel to Letters To Rose, so if you haven't read those I strongly suggest you read them first. These were a bit of a challenge to me, because I had to redo my writing style to fit Rose's voice. It was worth the effort though, and so... Enjoy!**

Doctor,

You left me! I told you I loved you, I gave you everything and you just... left.

What were you going to say, Doctor? I'm going mad here, with Mum and Dad and Mickey trying to soothe me but THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND. He loves you, Rose, they say, but they don't _know_. Not for sure. THEY'LL NEVER KNOW FOR SURE. And I'm never gonna know either.

God, do you know how _frustrating _it is? I may be stuck in a parallel universe, but you got the better deal. You know what I said as well as what you were going to say. I DON'T.

Doctor, please, wherever you are just do s_omething_ to let me know what you were going to say. I don't care even if you were going to say that you hate me, at least I'd have closure.

But I know you don't hate me, Doctor. And I don't know if you love me. Maybe that's what makes it so frustrating, it's that now we're stuck in this status quo forever. I was too afraid to just DO SOMETHING and try to change what we had back when I could, and now I'll never get the chance. If I had been able to touch you on Bad Wolf Bay, I would've just kissed you. Could've avoided all the tricky words and hurt if just for one_ second_ I could've kissed you.

Sometimes I dream that we're on Bad Wolf Bay again, and that each time you get just a bit closer to saying what you were gonna say, but there's never quite enough time. And each time I wake up screaming your name.

God, Doctor, WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY?


	2. Chapter 2

Doctor,

I still haven't gone back to work yet. It's been a week since Bad Wolf Bay, and I can't quite make it to Torchwood in the morning. I'll get out of bed, shower, have some breakfast, and then everyday like clockwork I remember what happened. How am I supposed to go about every day normally with that in my head?

It'll be alright, though. Jack knows what happened. He's been smoothing things over so that I can take time off and not get in trouble. I guess it's really a good thing there's a Jack in this universe to help me and make sure I don't get fired. Can't have that.

And I'll be fine with enough time. I can soldier through this eventually, it's just

Hard.

I'm seeing you everywhere. Men wearing pinstripes walking down the road break my heart, and just the _sight_ of converses shred the pieces.

But I can't even cry anymore. It's like instead of a sharp pain, there's just this endless dull ache. Day after day after day, Doctor, it wears away at me until I just feel hollow inside. Like instead of a heart, there's just

Just a hole.

The worst part is, though, is that I'm not just hurting me. I'm hurting Mum, too. It pains her so much that she can't help me, and that sometimes all of the motherly love in the world just isn't enough.

But what am I supposed to do?

I guess a better question is, why am I even writing to you? You'll NEVER see these, you'll NEVER reply, you'll NEVER tell me you

God, I wish there was some sort of bargain I could make. Trade, I dunno, _something_ for you. But is there really anything I wouldn't trade?

Oh Doctor, why can't you just come _back_?


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello, readers! This week's chapters might be a bit spotty, but I promise to try to update at least once every two or three days. That being said, allonsy!**

Doctor,

I've gone back to Torchwood and started working again. I don't feel any better, but I can deal with it more than I could before.

I'm a regular person now, with a steady job and a place to live that isn't bigger on the inside. I don't remember it being as boring as this when I was 19 though. Course, I'm not really the same person, am I?

Back when you were all leather and ice blue eyes, you changed me. You took a shop girl from London and showed her the universe, and I became so much more than I ever could've dreamed of.

But that's what you do, Doctor. You take such ordinary things and bring out the starlight in them. Everytime you touch someone, the universe becomes just that more beautiful. And I wish I could make you see that. Make you see that you don't just live up to your name, you give it a whole other meaning. Course, I'll never get the chance to now.

That damn wall.

D'you know, after the rift closed, I stood there for a few minutes. I put my ear against the wall, to see if I could hear you on the other side.

And... Nothing. All I heard was nothing.

Who would've thought that the worst sound of all is nothing?


	4. Chapter 4

**First of all, wow! Over five hundred views in the first three days of the month? You guys are really amazing. Thank you so much. One a side note, I know these letters are a bit shorter than the ones from the Doctor. I know, it's just that Rose isn't quite so eloquent in her agnst. I do hope these live up to Letters To Rose. Please review and tell me what you think!**

Doctor,

Today, I was promoted at work. That should be a good thing, right?

It's not. I've been burying myself in work these days. It's all I ever do exc

Except write these letters.

The reason I've been putting in so much time at Torchwood is because I'm so blessedly _alone_ in my office. I just can't stand to be around other people. How can they go around, so careless and...just so utterly _happy_, while I feel so dead inside? How come they get to laugh and hold hands and smile? Why do _they_ get to be able to pick themselves up when they fall and carry on when I can't?

It's so bloody unfair, Doctor.

Another thing that keeps bothering me is, how are they even happy with what they have? They're content with everyday life, but I can't be. Who could take chips and telly when there are alien planets out there named Raxicorricofallapatorious? A job when your occupation is defending the universe?

But the people here... they're not at all curious about what's beyond the sky.

Maybe that's why I ran off with you in the first place. Not for the adventures, but for you. For the first time ever, I met a person who looked up at the stars, and wanted to be closer to them.

There was never any chance that I could resist that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey! I know it's been a while... Very sorry. Hopefully, my schedule should lighten up this week and leave me more time for writing. Anyways, here we are! Enjoy.**

Doctor,

I've taken up jogging. Well, more like sprinting. It's not really for exercise or anything, it's because, I dunno

I'm running away.

I'm running from all the hurt and pain. I pretend if I can sprint fast enough I can run away from here, race to wherever you are.

I'll get these panic attacks, where I realize all over again I can't _ever_ see you again. It's like I can't breathe. I run and run and run, until the only things I can feel is the wind against my face and the burn in my lungs. I can't stop, or else it'll hit me again. And I can't let that happen.

It doesn't matter where I am. I'll be in the middle of the street, in a car, at home, IT DOESN'T MATTER. I just start running. Sometimes it feels like I never really stop.

And that's what we did, you and me, isn't it? Of course, I was escaping from a boring life while you were running from something so much worse. You know, sometimes when I looked into your eyes, I could see the flames. Most of the time, I'd shrug it off and tell myself it was weird lighting or a reflection. But I swear, I could see Gallifrey burning inside your head.

I know that you can never really escape something like that. But I hope that wherever you are, you're running fast enough not to feel it.


	6. Chapter 6

Doctor,

I've got some pretty big news. Mum's going to have a baby. Isn't it wonderful? And no, she's not naming it Doctor. Sorry, it's Eva if it's a girl, and Tony if it's a boy. And Mum's so happy. She goes around with this _glow_ all the time. I'm so happy for her. I really am. It's just that

I

You didn't

What would've happened, Doctor? Every night I'm tortured by that question. If that lever hadn't been hit by that stupid Dalek, what would've happened to us? Would we finally have been more than just friends? Could we have been happy together? Would you have finished that sentence the way I thought it was going to end?

Key word there being thought. Not knew.

And I've gone over that before. I've written so much about that particular pain.

God, all these words and what do they do? Nothing. They just sit in a box under my desk and gather dust. All this pain and hurt and love and it just _sits_ in a little cardboard box.

I wish... Does it really matter what I wish?

I miss you so much, Doctor.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey! I'm sorry that the gaps between chapters have been long. I'm not sure, I guess Rose is just a little harder for me to work with. Anyways, thanks for all the reviews and for all the people that have followed this story! You guys really make my day.**

Doctor,

Where are you? I've never really wondered about that before. I've worried about you, of course, but never really thought about where exactly you were. New Earth? Clom? On a spaceship?

Or, I guess the real question is, are you alone?

I'm so worried that you're lonely. You've always needed someone, Doctor. You always will. I hope you've found a friend, wherever you are. Someone to hold your hand.

Everyone is still so excited about the baby, and so am I. Y'know, you showed me so many beautiful and terrible things, and yet I'm completely awestruck by just the simple existence of life. God, isn't it amazing? I know you'd be amazed too, Doctor, if I could share this with you for real. I can just picture you giving some lecture on the miracle of life.

Is it the same for you, Doctor? Do you see an alien work of art and wish I could see it? Do you ever look out the TARDIS doors at a supernova and wish I was standing beside you?

I do too.


	8. Chapter 8

**Contrary to what I'm sure you'll be thinking at the end of the chapter, this is not the end of Letters To The Doctor. There will be one more chapter, as this one will have a very different end to Letters To Rose. Anyways, allonsy!**

Doctor,

I've been feeling more peaceful lately. No, I'm not happy. I'm not gonna be happy be for a long, long time. But right now I

I'm accepting that you're gone. I'll _never_ see you again. I'll _never_ know if you love me. And I'm going to have live the rest of my life without knowing that.

Writing letters to you can't change anything. Yeah, they do make me feel better. But it's like it's my way of pretending that you're still here. To keep me from going over the edge. But in a way, they just push me closer.

I can't really move on completely. There's never gonna be another man. How could any of them _ever _compare to you, Doctor? It doesn't matter who I meet, there will always be an image of a man in converses and pinstripes hanging over their heads. An image of my Doctor. But, even if I can't move on completely, I've got to stop writing these letters. I think

I think it's what you'd have wanted me to do. Oh, Doctor. I will love you forever. You've got to remember that. In all the languages in all the species in all the planets and galaxies and universes, there are three words that will always be the most important.

I love you.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey! I know that this ending is very different compared to the pure angst which has made up these letters. But I couldn't end it like the Doctor because I wanted to make this series fairly canon and as you probably recall Rose does find her way back_._ I will be doing some oneshots where they manage to give each other the letters, and it is possible that her letters will not include this final one in the oneshots. But I really couldn't leave her like this. Please review, I'm somewhat anxious about this ending and would love to hear feedback. Anyways, thanks again to the people who followed, favorited, and reviewed this story! Allonsy!**

Doctor,

I've got something to tell you. It's bigger than anything I've told you before.

The rift is still open. God, you stupid, brilliant Time Lord! You really aren't that skilled with time, are you? But right now, I don't care. Right now, I am happier than I've been since Bad Wolf Bay. I don't think it's possible to describe the euphoria running through my head.

I heard something about strange things going in Norway, and I just knew. I never really understood the phrase, 'I knew it in my bones before', but right then I did. It was like my whole body was humming with pure certainty. I got a Torchwood team over there quickly, and sure enough, the rift was open. I don't know if it was opened again or never closed in the first place, it doesn't matter because _I can see you again._ Those, beautiful, beautiful words, words I never thought I'd say or write, or even _think_.

It's going to be a couple months before the dimension cannon is operating, but I can wait. I'll have all that time just to exult in this happiness.

When I first heard the news from a technician, I just sank to the floor and cried. Isn't it so odd, Doctor, that I cried from sheer happiness? You'd probably say something scientific about human synapses or neural reactions or something like that. Oh, I can't wait to hear your voice again.

I'm coming for you, Doctor. Your Rose is coming from across the universes to find you. And this time, I'm staying.

Love, Rose


End file.
